Hello best friends and happy Valentine’s Day to you.
I was catching upon some of my blog posts from way back and I came across this one from Feb 14th 2017. I reckon it is still very relevant as it was then so I am going to repost it (I edited the English but I left most of the content the same)
Listen, its 3 years later and I have still made messes, maybe even more than before. However, I am determined to keep getting up every time I fall flat. Read this with an open mind and like me decide to always stand up, don’t matter how many times you have to do that.
I love you, if you don’t have a “special someone” this period, hit me up lets go and watch Mercy, eat popcorn, hotdogs, drink slush, and binge listen to Justin Beiber – Fall.. Las las we will all be all right.
It was a cold winter morning when she first stepped into new office. Not only had she never had a job, she had never thought she would need one. However, she felt God leading her towards making the best use of her time helping in this office. She had no idea how she would get to the office every day in fact she walked four stops this morning just so she could get just one bus to the office instead of two.
Oh, “hello” he smiled at her; I know the face somewhere she thought. “Hey how are you, oh my goodness it’s you, what are you doing here?”
“Well I just started working here today, you?”
“Well I came in to help out so I kind of work here too, is that your car she asked pointing at the posh car he’d just come out off.”
“Yes it is”
“Hmmmmmm okay oh, where do you stay?”……..
The next day he picked her up and the next day he dropped her off, and so began the routine and one day he said he liked her
What is there not to like? She thought, he even plays gospel music in his car, I have invited him to church and he came with his friends, award – soul winner of the year.
It started of as a romance of convenience, she needed a ride, he was the perfect gentleman. He knew she loved God and the church so they agreed to wait.. Then they began to slip, an all-night call there and a touch here and a kiss there, very quickly she slipped.
Her mind raced, she knew allowing him touch her was wrong, but he said he likes me and he must care about me, he like calls me every time and I know he keeps missing this call from a particular number when I’m around but you know someone might just be bugging him.
One day he stopped calling, something must be wrong she thought, who stops calling a girl after she has given him her body. I mean I told him I did not want to but he said he loved me and I love him too and we are getting married. Well that is the plan, although he cannot say when since he only just got a job. Nevertheless, why won’t he call me or pick my calls and when he does why the crisp, short and irritable answers?
I did not do anything wrong to him, I prayed for him, cooked his meals, cleaned his house, warmed his bed and got him to start attending church how am I the bad person here?
Two months later on a Feb the 14th, I get a call from him; “I am outside your house,” he said “could you come out please?”
I step out and he hand me flowers, a bottle of perfume and a little white teddy bear. He says get in the car I want to show you something. We end up in his house and again I warmed his bed.
I must be silly, why do I keep letting him do this? I must really love him, else why am I COMPROMISING my standards with God for this man?
On and off and one year is gone and not a lot has changed from that cold winter morning when I first stepped into that office.
I got angry, excuse you who do you think you are calling me only when you need to get some. I am better than that, better than a cheap excuse for a cheap meal and a ride home in the morning.
Do not call my number anymore.
I ignored his calls, would not reply his texts and then another Feb 14th came and this time I threw myself a pity party.
Got myself some cake, a bottle of cheap ginger drink, made a crappy meal I ate on the floor in my apartment and cried my eyes out.
Oh, God if letting him go was the right thing to do, why do I feel so sad.
“It hurts it hurts,” I kept saying….
I felt him hold me, the warmest arms ever held me close, he rocked me back and forth did not say a word allowed me cry my heart out then he said:
Jeremiah 1:5 – Before I formed you in the womb I knew you and before you were born I set you apart and appointed you my prophet unto nations
Jeremiah 29:11 – I know the plans I have for you plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future
Zephaniah 3:17 – The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing
Romans 5:8 – But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us
3 JOHN 2 – Beloved I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health even as thy soul prospers.
I sobbed the more, oh how I’d hurt him and not once did he judge me. I had expressly ignored his warnings and went ahead to hurt him knowingly and still he rocked me.
The more he rocked, the more I cried this time I kept saying I am sorry
Dear Jesus I am so sorry.
Then I went still, I slept like a baby. Woke up refreshed and went out ready to face the world.
I no longer felt rotten, messed up or sad, or worried.
The king of kings had declared his love for me, he has cleaned me up, wiped away my tears, put a song in my mouth and a spring in my step.
I stepped into the office and saw him and I smiled so broadly he was too shocked to reply.
Nothing could dampen the joy I felt deep inside it was like I won a million dollars, and when he offered to drop me home, I said no without a hint of bitterness.
I walked the four stops back home and it felt good.
Today (another Feb 14th) I am throwing a pity party, this time not because I feel sad for myself but because I pity my old self.
This time I am making a great salad maybe some turkey maybe some noodles maybe some fish who cares.
I have learnt that love is not a feeling but an act
It is not a religion but a person and Love himself loves me
While I wait, I would love hard and well
Ladies please, compromising for the wrong reasons would take you further than you mean to go and keep you longer than you mean to stay.
Bending Gods rules to keep a man is not a sign of love it is SIN…
And it doesn’t matter if you were alone last valentines and if you are alone this year or if you’d be alone next year, either way a man in your bed outside marriage doesn’t mean you’re no longer alone because you still are and it’s worse because you really are alone.
The God space in you cannot be filled by sex, a ring or babies. Which is why people are getting out of marriages faster than they got into it.
I love you blazes and Love loves you more.
Meditate on these scriptures today and always and hit me up if you need a friend to cry or eat with tonight.
1 JOHN 1:6-8 – If we say we have fellowship with him and walk in darkness, we lie and do not the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his son cleanseth us from all sin. And if we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us
1 JOHN 4:8 – He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love
1 John 3:16-18 – This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brother and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person. Dear children let us not love with word or speech but with actions and in truth.
John 3:16 – For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
I love you and I am rooting for you.
Love and Light
Jessimiela
Being single is not a waiting game… Choose to live your best life everyday…
Jessimiela Usidame