Hello friends, for the first heart to heart post I feel led to share my personal journey so you guys would understand my drive and passion behind this platform. It is a long read and if I could edit videos to save my life I would have made a video instead. Between looking for who to film and running after the editors, not to mention I don’t have a budget to pay anyone right now. I choose not to wait for the situation to be perfect and just write a blog post instead. I mean this is WHY I WAIT right?
When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable – Myles Munroe
The first step to doing anything is knowing and understanding why… I reckon the question why? Is one of the most important questions every individual would have to answer in order to fully deliver purpose. “Why” clarifies “what” and “How”.
I grew up wanting two things
You see, wanting nice things and love that makes you swoon is not wrong. Those are legitimate desires, the issue is why do you want those things. For me as a little girl it was because it looked nice and I reckoned the only way I would get into ovation magazine (The most elite magazine then in Lagos) was to either be rich or marry a rich kid.
As I grew older the “WHY” changed this time it was because everyone expects you to either work in a bank or get married after university. Further, down the line the WHY changed to pressure: both from me and from others. All my friends were getting married or had kids and they still do.
Then I got my heart broke in the silliest of circumstances. No way did I see this coming. I did everything I knew to do and it was not enough.
You see I have always been a retrospective person and this time was not different I sat down after all my crying and ice cream downing (read how to deal with a heartbreak here) and wrote down all the lessons learnt.
One thing stood out from my review and it was “he hurt me after everything I did right”. Months earlier, I had gotten to an alright phase where I was okay with being single and I was okay to WAIT till someone right came along.
See, good intentions right? I reckoned waiting meant passing time until someone came along. I put my dreams on hold and told myself when I got married it would be easier because then I would have found someone who complimented my dreams.
I put my ambitions on hold because I did not want to be “too much to handle” when he came along.
I put my life on hold because hey I need to be still to WAIT right I put me on hold because I wanted to please “him”.
You can imagine how I felt when all the “sacrifices” I made that no one sent me still resulted in a broken heart. Oh, I cried, I did not believe I could cry that much. Silly girl maybe I do not do enough.
Thank God for the most non-judgemental personality in the whole world, the one who never judges or puts you down. The one who tells you off and it sounds like a compliment. My best friend and greatest teacher. After one session of night crying and driving around aimlessly the Holy Spirit said the best words, I could have ever heard.
“ Jessy Good intentions are not enough, why you do what you do is also key. Which is why although wisdom starts from knowing what to do, you must also get understanding. Putting your life on hold in order to wait for a husband is an insult on redemption”
The scripture Proverbs 4:7 finally made sense. The amplified version aptly puts it in perspective it says:
“The beginning of wisdom is: Get (skillful and godly) wisdom (It is preeminent)! And with all your acquiring, get understanding (actively seek spiritual discernment, mature comprehension and logical interpretation).
Listen! Knowing what to do is step 1, understanding the why is step 2. Without understanding, knowledge is a waste or may result in incorrect application of what you know as it was in my case.
One of the best definitions of wisdom is by my father Bishop David Oyedepo
“…Wisdom is the CORRECT application of what you know”. So accurate
I knew what to do, I just applied the principle incorrectly. I wanted to receive love in return so I became a version of myself I reckoned many would like and want back (according to the norm). And this version although culturally okay was scripturally flawed.
So, I went on a journey to get understanding and I did. The findings from this study is what has finally after two years birthed this platform why I wait.
Funny deviation the first time I had the idea for such a platform was in 2017, then I just wanted to share things a single girl could do whilst waiting for the one. The mind revamp just two years later is massive. It shifted from “while I wait” to “why I wait”.
I am now more about being the best version of myself everyday and to everyone. And it took doing the right thing in a wrong way to gain perspective.
So why do I wait?
This is where we disrupt status quo in order to change the narrative
The answers I have are are not the norm, in fact they go against everything I know and was taught. They are very anti-cultural and did not seat well even with me at first. But then again, the word of God is the TRUTH not an idea or a philosophy. Here is the truth:
I found answers in two scriptures
“But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and do not get tired, they walk and do not lag behind.” (Isaiah 40:31 MSG).
Read the scripture above again but this time slowly
Now walk away from whatever means you are reading this post on and just let the above scripture brood in your mind. Remember faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God. Allow Gods word strip your mind of previous ideas and cultural mind sets. Actually, pause and read (or re read) the posts on this is war here.
Come back and read the scripture again
Listen! Waiting on God does not depict been inactive. The scripture says they spread their wings, they soar, they run and walk and do not lag behind. It means they arrive first and on time, it means dominance in every sphere of life.
No where does this mean seat down and wait your life out. God did not create me or you to come and pass time. Waiting to live is a waste of redemption.
What you mean I should be out there gaining territories and taking over cities “alone” (insert eyes opened wide emoji here), where are all my Nigerian aunties they would have a fit reading this. Oi! this is the TRUTH, God’s word said so.
“Prepare your work outside and get it ready for yourself in the field; afterward build your house and establish a home” (Prov 24:27 AMP).
Oi! At this point I was jumping like a loose cannon. What how many times have I read this verse and did not see the light in it. So, I am supposed to:
- Prepare my work – discover my vision and purpose
- Get it ready for myself in the field; chase down my dreams
- Build my house: profit from my work
- And then establish a home: share my life with another
See the difference in understanding 75% was for me not for anyone else. I mean how could I give what I did not have?
Oops!! I was to wait on Him (God) not wait for him (hubby) or anyone else.Waiting on God means actively pursing your purpose, accomplishing your dreams and being the best version of yourself everyday.
Me before was waiting to live but Me now is living my best life everyday.
Me before had dreams, ideas and plans on hold but Me now is living out my dreams, ideas and plans.
Me before was scared to fail or lose out but Me now is chasing down my dreams whilst making mistakes, falling and trying again.
I still want to meet “the one” in fact this year it must happen LOL.
Am I scared?
Yes, (scared not afraid) the whole world is my playground and the thought of attempting to conquer it is scary.
But I choose courage: which I define as the act of being scared but doing it anyway.
I wait actively not in preparation for anyone but because I want to live my best life. Anything else is a plus not an advantage.
Only whole individuals would make whole spouses and eventually families. Let us change the narrative, doing the same thing the same way and expecting a different result is the definition of madness. Let us stop the old trends, let it be said that you (insert name) broke the chain and rewrote history.
Career chaser, business owner, dreams liver, vision pursuer. At the end I want to leave empty. I want to be someone’s treasure and not a burden. Imagine two whole beings disrupting the norm and disturbing the devil’s kingdom like many people I know do.
Note that this is not a feminist call (nothing wrong with that) or a who run the world girls call. Rather this is a call for every man, woman, boy or girl who doesn’t want to spend their time on earth in mediocrity, accepting the norm and following the trends.
If you want to set trends, discover new paths, break boundaries and glass ceilings, live life to the fullest and leave this world empty then I encourage you to find your WHY – PURPOSE.
It may have taken a heart break for me to recalibrate and your story might be very different from mine but the goal is the same. With all your getting get understanding, dig deep and find your WHY.
Find it and make a decision to live your best life every day in pursuit. Life is not a waiting game.
Sorry for the long read but thanks for sticking with me. Please feel free to share this with your family and friends.
I love you and I am rooting for you
Love and Light
Being single is not a waiting game… Choose to live your best life everyday…Jessimiela Usidame